TM's ST Pricing Strategy

Following the lapsing of the early bird deadline and the news that Millwall have discounts for members of the armed forces, I'm proposing the following discount scheme to be put in place from 1st July through to the first day of the season:

Heavy discounts of up to 69% provided for:

Anyone who owns a cat or a dog that have a comedy human name, like Darren or Trevor.
Them waitresses in US diners that bring round your refillable coffee.
People of all genders who are assessed by an expert panel to have a lovely bottom (I would assign the first six rows of the Ponty as safe standing for these people so we can all have a nice view when we start doing sideways passes between the back 4)
Folk who provide pork pies or other delicious baked half time savoury snacks to at least 6 other ST holders on a match by match basis.

To fund these discounts I propose we triple the price for:

GP receptionists
People who talk about cars
Anyone with the surname Rees-Mogg.
Folk who still think lockdown was a good idea.
Imaginary financial moguls made up by the Conway Out Facebook group.