Once again apologies to those who've heard this before, but here's my net curtain story. It was the FA cup semi-final weekend in April 2008. A group of us travelled down by train on the Saturday, including Fired, Hicksy, Gally, Loko and several others from the BBS and London Tykes. Another BBS member, Guest 42 (who also happened to be my ex-wife), was with us and was booked into the same cheap hotel as me. This would later turn out to be a huge stroke of luck. Anyway, we travelled down by train on Saturday, and consumed copious quantities of various beverages on the way. This meant we were not as attentive as usual as we checked into our supposedly en-suite rooms. We just barged in, dumped our bags, quick splash and spray, and out again, to Loko's pub (at that time) somewhere near Chelsea – which was rather ironic as we'd of course disposed of them in the previous round. There was much mirth and merriment, and finally a taxi home about midnight, back to the hotel. Into the room, strip, crash, fast asleep. I need to point out at this stage that I don't wear anything at night. Not a stitch. Fast forward to about 5 in the morning, need a pee. Heave myself out of bed to the loo, not noticing that despite the description of the room as “en-suite”, the loo was actually outside my room door in a small foyer with a further door to the corridor. By now you've worked out that during the course of this manoeuvre I heard that horrible little “click” as the door quietly closed behind me. Yes, I'd locked myself out of my room. Bollok naked. A voice in my head said “you badly need a plan B here”. My first attempt at plan B was to try climbing out of the loo window and back into the adjacent bedroom window, which I'd conveniently opened the night before. However, on looking out, it was snowing heavily (honest!) and there was a 20 foot drop onto a glass roof. I considered the implications of someone spotting a naked man clambering about half way up a hotel wall in a blizzard and decided against it. I would have either impaled myself on some glass in a re-enactment of the famous scene from Ghost, or I would have got locked up. Either way I would have missed the match. Next thought was to break the door down. I gave it a few tentative prods and fiddled around with the knob. I only had one tool on me, and despite its usefulness in certain circumstances it was of no help whatsoever in this situation. Once again, I abandoned this solution as I could easily have ended up missing the match by being charged with criminal damage. Some of you may be thinking, why didn't he go to reception and asked to be let in? At this stage it's important to point out that the hotel had no reception. Well, it did, but it was across the road in a nearby hotel. I decided against running naked across Sussex Gardens in Bayswater, in a blizzard in the middle of the night. Eventually, the final solution dawned on me. I ripped the net curtain off the loo window and wrapped myself in it. Net curtains are commonly considered to be see-through, but trust me, if you wind one round you enough times it does actually become opaque. Now this is where the presence of my ex-wife, Guest 42, in another room comes in handy. I ran up 3 floors to her room and started banging on the door. Now put yourself in her position – she's fast asleep in a strange hotel at about 5am. Someone starts banging on her door, and at this stage she's no idea who it is. Eventually she finds out it's her ex-husband. She's no idea what he wants, but she's not under any circumstances letting him in. Meanwhile, he's stood petrified outside in the corridor, naked apart from a multi-layered net curtain around his waist, pleading to be let in. Finally she relented, let me in, laughed her self silly and made a nice cup of tea. After what seemed like an age she eventually got a spare key from the reception across the road and fetched my clothes, and the problem was solved. I've no idea what I'd have done if Guest 42 had not had been in the same hotel. Of course, we all know what happened in the match, but a female BBS member (I can't reveal her name as I'd probably get Fired) later coined the famous line “If only Kayode was as good as Stahlrost at putting it in the net”.
That story's cheered me up no end! Do you now pack pyjamas or at least a dressing gown when you stay anywhere!?
Me and my mate stayed in South End at a little hotel near the Cornucopia pub. I left my half eaten kebab in the divan bed drawer and when I went for a crap down the hall way turned the water supply off to the flush mechanism and left. Back then I was a bit of an idiot. It's my fault we lost. It was karma.
No pyjamas and no dressing gown, but these days I no longer remove everything when I go to bed! And because of my experience back then, I'm far more careful
Did something similar in a hotel in Hull ....came off the ship to attend a course shoreside the following day. Once in the hotel our group was told that the first day of the course had been cancelled and we had a free bar...( big mistake with 10 merchant seamen who liked a drink on someone else's tab lol ) and a free day to ourselves the following day to sober up I think I stumbled out of the bar around 2am worse for wear..having been in there from around 4pm .i got to my room stripped off and headed for the toilet ...the bathroom door was adjacent to the entry door of the bedroom...yes in my drunken stupor i opened the room door and walked out of my room onto the landing of the 3rd floor as the door slammed shut behind me....I stood there for what seemed an age completely naked not knowing what to do ...nothing to cover myself with....anyway I thought bugger it I need to do something so I set off towards the lift at the end of the corridor I was on...I got to the lift just as it pinged into action....I watched the lift indicator indicate it was coming up I could hear both male and female voices coming from the lift ....all sorts ran though my mind when suddenly it went quiet..the voices of the people could be heard saying goodnight to each other as the lift indicator said second floor....then as fast as it stopped it started to climb...by this time I'd sobered up a little....trying to cover my modesty the best I could with my hands and praying the lift was empty ...the doors opened very slowly as my face got redder and redder whilst I froze on the spot closed my eyes a little and stood trebling not knowing who or how many folk were still in the lift or for that matter what to do never mind say....as I slowly opened my eyes.i saw into the lift......in the lift stood all alone was the night porter who luckly had seen my plight on the security cameras and had come to my rescue with the spare key .....I was so relieved I could have kissed him but due to the lack of clothing thought I was dealing with enough sh. it at the time and thought better about it.lol...it was only once I was back in the room and the door firmly closed I realised why the porter didn't want to shake hands with me when I thanked him lol Whilst apologising for the umpteen time I remember him saying it happened often from that particular room due to the 2 doors being so close and no end of folk had done the walk of shame to reception for the spare key ....both male and female....guess I was lucky ...although embarrassed.....
