Paulo Catiniho. Italian legend. Fast as fck, with a wicked eye for goal. Still doesn’t do defending. Union objections etc..
Fingers O'Butter. Irish goalkeeper. I was always rubbish in goal as a kid. Couldn't catch a ****ing cold.
shenk11 from Germany cos I was nivver tall enough to go in the nets but could play anywhere else ( used to be a midfield dynamo, now more of a defensive solar panel as I'm always laid darn ).
When I worked at Norwich Union years back, I had access to the entire client database. I discovered that "W@nkie" is a valid name in some languages. It's of African origin I think. And we found one poor sod called "Fuk Yu Man" (no joke). This is also where I found Gary Willard's phone number, and called him while pissed. His wife answered, and got very angry.