Player ratings: Collins - 8 - heart of a lion to play behind that set of wánkers. Anderson - 2 - how is he captain? A lovely kid but looks like a bottom set kid trying to do trigonometry. Rubbish. Williams - 3 - A lovely kid with a nice touch but can’t tackle. Helik - 5 - A lovely kid who looks like the lad who should be popular but gets bullied because he sticks up for his useless friends. Moon - 3 - A lovely kid who’s probably good at a couple of things but unfortunately they aren’t football. Styles - 5 - A lovely kid who can’t kick with his right foot so we play him at right wing. Palmer - 3 - I don’t know if he’s a nice kid or not but he’s ****. Gomes - 4 - A lovely kid who will put his foot in and works super hard but is physically incapable of shooting. Iseka - 2 - can’t play football. Cole - 1 - Suggest Andrew Cole gets a paternity test. Adeboyejo - 10 - I love him because I am shït as fück at football, 42 years old, drink way too much but he gives me hope that I can still make it as a professional footballer because I am genuinely confident I am better than he is.
