Billy Thomas Billy is short for Billybob. Despite being on loan at Bristol Rovers, he has a fear of pirates, and gas. He owns 3 hats, all of which are trucker style. His favourite bank holiday is spring bank. He once had a cameo in casualty, he played a man who had cut his face open in a hall of mirrors accident. He's never been to flamingo land. His favourite song is My Chemical Romance's cover of 'All I want for Christmas is you' by Mariah Carey.
Bobby is a devotee of the American sitcom Friends, and recently purchased a 6 bedroom house in Rawtenstall so that he could theme each of the bedrooms around one of the main characters. His favourite episode is "The One where Chandler gets Gangbummed". Bobby loves a full English breakfast, but is adamant that the beans must be served in a small ramekin to prevent egg yolk contagion Bobby was actually brought up by dolphins, and Burnley FC employ a translator to emit high pitched squeaks explaining exactly how they want the underlapping centre back system to operate. Bobby's grandfather is Terry Thomas, and Bobby received 8 yellow cards last season for offences including offensive badinage with an official, slywinkery and cad/boundership. He is banned from playing when there is a female official operating
His least favourite season is Winter. Especially Mike and Bernie. He has the ability to secrete gravy from his eyes for tears. His dad appeared on Its a Knockout in 1979 carrying buckets of water on a turntable whilst dressed as a milk maid. Billys dad is called John. Billy can spit further than he can throw. His claim to fame and party piece is the ability to remember every line spoken in the third series of Duty Free. He once went on a blind date with Lisa Riley when he thought he was meeting Rachel. Billy has a pet paintbrush called Tinstletown and takes it with him everywhere. Billy is a private detective in his spare time and in his latest findings he has discovered that Doctor Fox Professor Green and Captain Birdseye are all fraudsters. Billy has never followed through. Billy has a fear of the dark and has never seen night time. Billy once appearded in the audience on Question Time and asked the panel which was better- Bonanza or The High Chaparral. Billy is a test tube baby and his star sign is Pyrex. Billy has the worlds smallest rectum giving him the ability to s hit through the eye of a needle. Billy's 2 favourite theme parks are Oak Furnitureland in Birstall and World of Wallpaper in Maidenhead. One of Billy's cousins works as a researcher on the ITV programme Long Lost Families and told Billy that they recently discovered Archbishop Desmond Tutu had 2 brothers he wasnt aware of called One-One and Three-Three and that Yoko Ono has a sister called Oyes. All of the fingers on Billy's left hand are made out of Pritt sticks. Billy is a lesbian,thespian,librarian,octagon and Rastafarian . After Bono Billy has the largest collection of hatchbacks in Britain. Billy's uncle Thomas admitted in his memoirs that he was responsible for swearing live on air at Matt Bianco on Saturday Superstore and 5Star on Going Live. The soles of both of Billy's feet are made out of sandpaper and he is often contracted out via various DIY businesses. When Billy dies and gets cremated he would like his ashes spread outside the main entrance of Mike's Carpets. Billy likes that fact that "O hit my balls" is an anagram of his name. Billy's favourite tv programmes are The Great Pottery Throwdown and Dog The Bounty Hunter. His favourite lake,river and ocean are Paul,Joan and Billy.
Billy still uses the old paper toilet rolls made by Izal which he buys off Ebay at five pounds a roll. He likes sherbet lemons which allow him to froth and foam and dribble as he walks around. His pajamas are held up by bracers attached to a large clown's hoop. A football is attached to his right foot with an elastic band to remind him why he is supposed to be a footballer. He comes out in a rash if he eats smoked bacon. He has been seen roaming the Pennine moors looking for Bigfoot.
Billy's real name is Bil El. His parents sent him into space minutes before a supernova destroyed his home planet, Crapton. Their last desperate hope was that his survival pod would find its way to a planet that was home to intelligent lifeforms. Unfortunately it crash landed on Earth.
New things that have emerged ..... He has a cat that wears prescription spectacles. His longest ever turd, 14 inches, is now preserved in a museum in Leeds. He can dance the Pasa Doble and the Gentlemens Excuse Me at the same time. Billy has no mates.
He bleeds oil He once killed 2 stones with one bird Covid caught Thomas The Bermuda Triangle was square until he kicked a corner
